Just Hang On

Just hang on

A little tighter.

Just hang on

A little longer.

But, my hands are slipping.

I stand at the edge,

The view is amazing.

Just hang on

A little tighter.

Just hang on

A little longer.

I’m tired.

It hurts to hang on.

I try.

Close my eyes,

Grit my teeth,

Deal with the pain,

Pretend I am not exhausted

From the trying.

Just hang on

A little tighter.

Just hang on

A little longer.

Find hope

In the midst

Keep the faith

In the midst

Feel the love

In the midst

Don’t let go!

Or maybe

Let go!

Drop into the

Arms of the One.

He gives rest,

He gives grace,

He gives mercy,

Just hang on

A little tighter.

Just hang on

A little longer.

To the One.

He loves

Unconditionally.

He understands

The pain.

He knows

Exhaustion.

He waits

Patiently.

For me

To

Just hang on

A little tighter.

To

Just hang on

A little longer.

He is

Reaching out

His hands

So,

Just hang on.

The Adventure Awaits!

I am finally getting back to working on those 365 writing prompts. Today’s is – The Rocket-Ship.

In the last year or so I have become what is known as a “Trekkie.” I have watched every episode of Star Trek The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager – some more than once. I never thought the day would come that I would like these shows, but it did! So instead of a “rocket-ship” I am imagining a time I can board the Enterprise and explore the galaxy. Will you join me?

Today we will go to a planet called Le Petit. This planet is not small in it’s mass but it is a place where all people live in tiny homes. I am 4’11” that may give you an idea of why I chose the name and tiny homes. Jump on board and let’s go!

Welcome to my new home in the Luna Woods. Can you hear the birds singing? Feel that wonderful cool breeze flowing through the trees making the leaves rustle. Just off in the distance, not to far from the house, is a rushing river and beautiful waterfall. After we unload our bags, sit for a moment and drink a cup of coffee we can take a walk over to the river. Come on in.

 

 

You care for the earth and water it, you enrich it greatly; with the river of God, full of water, you provide them grain and prepare the ground. ~Psalm 65:10

 

This is one of the most beautiful places. It is filled with God’s presence, His beauty, and His peace. I come here to sit and meditate on His Word and to talk with Him. I share my struggles, my fears, I ask questions, but most of all I thank Him for every moment this life brings. Here I find rest for my soul in His strong and gentle arms. I hope that you will find this peace and rest as you join me here at the Luna River in the Luna Woods on Planet Le Petit.

“Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace” ~Proverbs 3:17

What would you journey to a far off planet in the galaxy be like? What would your place of peace and rest look like?

Scissors In Hand

Unfortunately recent events have made me lose respect for people who I thought were better than their actions proved. I don’t hate, but I no longer trust, and I hope my humanness will allow me not to hold a grudge…I want to forgive for my peace of mind. Maybe, even loss of respect for someone has a required grieving process because my heart hurts even though this isn’t the first time true colors have been shown. In the past I held on to hope that the first time was a mistake and the second time would teach a lesson. But how many times can the holes of betrayal, lies, and hurtful words spoken in gossip be patched up before the mended “material” of the heart is too worn out to withstand another tear? Maybe it’s time to take the scissors and cut the thread. Let it dangle somewhere out of reach. Maybe they can do the work this time. Maybe they can wonder why there is silence on this end. Maybe then they will search the dark corners of their hearts and feel remorse. Then again, maybe nothing will change. But, that’s okay too, because my happiness is no longer dependant on making someone else feel better or trying to maintain the peace at the expense of losing mine. I take back control and I dust off my feet as I walk away.
“Good day, sir. I said good day!”

Look Into The Eyes Of Love

Prompt: Eye Contact -Write about two people seeing each other for the first time. ( http://thinkwritten.com/365-creative-writing-prompts/)

On a mission for a snack, I walked beside my co-worker and friend to the gas station close to where we worked. We were prattling on about something or other when I heard a man’s voice call out my name. I turned and saw a man standing across the street outside the door of the office I worked in, I didn’t recognize him and wasn’t sure how to respond. Then it dawned on me, it must be the one coming in for the delivery position. I walked towards him and smiled. We introduced ourselves and he mentioned he was the one who wanted to apply for the job opening. He was hired and life went on. I didn’t know at that moment how much this man would affect my life.

A few months after he began working there he took on other jobs in the office. I am shy until you know me. I am not one to make friends with just anyone but something pushed me to engage this man in conversation and get to know more about him. First thing I learned is that he was shy too and preferred keeping to himself. I just couldn’t allow that for some reason. I am not pushy and if someone makes it clear they would rather work quietly in their own area I know to walk away and stay away,of course not this time. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Something about this man intrigued me. Maybe it was his quiet confidence or those beautiful blue eyes. Whatever it was that brought those emotions and thoughts of taking back my, “I give up on ever finding someone,” attitude was strong.

 

Five months into our co-worker friendship something changed. Maybe it was a little before that when I noticed that smiles coming from across the room. Not sure what he was thinking or what he was sharing with his friend but the smiles sure made my heart feel full. I kept telling myself, “you’re seeing things,” “don’t get your hopes up.” So I waited and tried not to think about him and how much I wanted to get to know him. I even went so far as deciding to just give up all together but God had other plans.

“Meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing it would be my favorite.” ~ Anonymous 

 

February 2002 found us on our first date. I was so scared. “What would he think about me?””Am I going to talk to much or not enough?” “Will I bore him?” But then it seemed like we just clicked. As if we had known each other forever instead of just five months as co-workers. My soul had found it’s mate. I finally found my best friend, the one who accepted me just as I was, no questions asked. I needed to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

 

 

“I love you’s were said,” before much time had passed. He knew what I knew, it was meant to be. A proposal was made, I could hardly believe it. It all still seemed like a dream. “YES!” Was my answer and a year three days later we were husband and wife, committed for a lifetime kind of love. A love that we will let no man separate. A love that is sanctified and blessed by God. A love that fills my very being with so much joy and comfort that some days I still wonder, “is this just a wonderful dream?” Today I sit here, fifteen years and three months since the day we first made eye contact, reminiscing on the the last fourteen years and ten months of our relationship. I am truly blessed with the man God made for me. The one in who’s eyes I see love, acceptance, and a lifetime of memories to make.

Take a moment to make eye contact with the one you love everyday. Tell them how much they mean to you and then act upon that love. Pray for them. Help them to see their value. Never let them think that they have become second place to your job, your hobbies, social media, family, and, yes, even to the children you share (human and furry alike). Sit and talk like you did when you first met. Tell each other about your dreams and work together to reach them. Never give up! Never seek out another person to fill the place of your spouse. Marriage takes work. Work hard everyday to keep the love strong. Most of all make God the foundation of your marriage. He will hold you together if you lift each other up to Him and rely on Him to meet your every need.

 

 

 

I’ll Have “The Usual”

Our town isn’t filled with chain restaurants, except for a few fast food places. Our local restaurants have one question in common; “would you like red or green?” Not Christmas lights but chile (yes, with an e). The hotter the better! We have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sometimes a snack with freshly roasted chopped green chile on a homemade tortilla.

Today’s blog prompt is, “food,” as I am sure you can tell by now. I have a hard time trying new places, restaurants even new stores. I find somewhere I am comfortable and that’s where I continue to go. Awhile back my mom and I made one of our local restaurants our “home away from home.” We try to go as often as we can to have breakfast. It is our socializing hour. When our waiter asks us what we would like we just say, “the usual,” they know exactly what that is. The only change we make is the “color” of chile to smother our potatoes in.

Not only have we made it a point to get together as often as possible for a treat but we have made good friends with the people who work there. It is a great thing for me to find a place that I can walk into and sit at the table alone while I wait for my mom to join me. Most places I can’t even get out of the car alone much less sit and wait on those days I am early.

Do you have a place like that? Who is your regular restaurant partner? Do you have a “usual” dish?

Dance With Abandon

Twirling around in the middle of an open field up on a mountain among the daisies and sunflowers. Rays of the sun warming my face as I close my eyes and lift my hands to the sky. Only I can hear the melody that my feet are moving to. It’s as if the song was made just for me. For this moment – for my heart to fill with joy and peace. In the distance I can hear the water rushing and can imagine how beautiful the waterfall must be. The air is fresh and filled with the smells of the forest just on the other side. God’s creatures must be playing – or maybe they are dancing too. Praising Him for the glorious day filled with promises of newness and possibilities.

Were you there with me? I have not lived this day yet – I see it only in my mind. Every time I feel like my world is falling apart or that I just can’t go on – I can close my eyes and go to that magical field up on that mountain.

 Then David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was wearing a linen ephod.          ~2 Samuel 6:14(NKJV)

Then David danced and spun around with abandon before Adonai, wearing a linen ritual vest.      ~2 Samuel 6:14(CJB)

When I read today’s prompt the first person that came to mind was David. The song I will dance like David danced played in my head as I thought about what to write. In these scriptures above we see he dance before the LORD with all his might – with abandon. Can you imagine how he felt – the freedom to dance in praise before the LORD!? How exciting!!

Even in all the messy dark valley’s my life has gone through there have been many more praise and dance worthy peaks!

• Here is a list of a few of those moments:
• Reading the Bible for the first time and realizing that God loved me! He has a purpose for me.
• Getting baptized when I was fourteen. I had quite a few stumbles and falls after that day but the promise I made in the moment was my anchor when I thought jumping of the deep end was the only way to be happy.
• Graduating from High School.
• Meeting my first niece and then every niece and nephew that came after that.
• Getting married. Something I never thought would happen. Just as I had given up – I met the man who would become my best friend, soul-mate, and lifetime love. (13 years and 9 months)
• Taking home my fur babies and being able to love on them,
• Meeting some amazing people who have blessed my life.
• Having some fun jobs and some not so fun ones. Either way I learned something.
• I am blessed to still have my parent’s and my siblings!
• Having a wonderful family of in-laws. I am truly blessed!

There are so many more wonderful things I can list and maybe I will throughout the rest of my blogging days. I am trying to take the focus off the negative, the messy bits, the hard times that seem hopeless. I want to shift that focus back to God and all the beauty that life has to offer.

Even though I am still a bit embarrassed to dance in front of anyone I can still dance in my mind and maybe one day I can dance like David danced.

Dance Like David Dance (Video)

 

 

 

 

Travelin’ Magic

I am behind on my 365 days of blog writing. Life has gotten pretty busy over the last few weeks. Today’s prompt is, vessel.

I have dreams of one day visiting different countries in Europe. I have always wondered how I would get there, a plane or a boat? Either one scares me! I have only been on a plane once in my life. From New Mexico to Denver with the final destination being San Antonio, Texas. I would have backed out of the trip if my friend wasn’t also going. I was never one to go on an adventure like that, alone. I wouldn’t have been alone if she wouldn’t have gone necessarily, but I wouldn’t have had someone to reassure me that I was going to be okay. I was going to have fun. Yes, I have lived a life of fear of doing anything new, especially with new people or people I hardly know. The trip was fun. I celebrated my 18th birthday there. I found it so odd that I was wearing shorts in the middle of February. It is cold that time of year in the part of New Mexico my city is in.

I don’t know if you would consider an RV or camper a vessel but I sure do. I would love to buy one and travel around the USA. Visiting campgrounds, National Parks, small towns, and some big cities too.

We would have to get a large RV or camper to take our fur babies with us. We can’t leave them out of the magical trip! We can pull our little green Honda Civic along with us so we can drive into town and eat at local diners. In my mind I see these towns that they always have in those Hallmark Christmas Movies (I love them!). All those great small shops filled with handmade goods, books, and lots of pretty things to buy. I would be doing the tourist thing taking pictures everywhere we go (probably driving my husband crazy).

Our vessel would be called Travelin’ Magic. I would have glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling of the bedroom – okay, probably all over the place. Except for the spot where the sunroof would be. Our rival team blankets thrown over the couch. I am fitting some books in there, somewhere. If I had my choice the color of Travelin’ Magic would be purple. I would have my sewing machine with me so I can practice making clothes, bags, pillows, and whatever else I can make out of fabric. I need a tote filled with craft supplies too! Oh! This better be one huge vessel!

I went Pinterest hunting for some fun photos to use as my “what would my RV or Camper look like.” Enjoy!

 

 

 

Lady in the Mirror

A few days behind but here is the next prompt:

The Unrequited love poem: How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

So many thoughts buzzed around in my mind when I saw this prompt. First of all, I didn’t think I had anything to say about it – being that I have been married for over thirteen years now. Then I thought about all those “growing up” heartaches, all those “early adulthood” heartaches, but the one that stood out to me most was the love that I myself have withheld.

A few days ago I walked into into the bathroom to comb my hair. I looked into the mirror and the first thought that came to my mind was – “Gosh, I am so ugly.” I even scowled at myself. I didn’t give it another thought -just believed that was the truth. It has been so ingrained in my DNA that I am ugly, worthless, and not quite worthy of love that these negative self-talking to’s I have in the mirror or while I am sitting in the quiet seem normal – almost as if I need that reassurance to put me in my place and keep there. That place being somewhere at the bottom -hidden in a dark corner – where I am almost invisible.

Here is my poem:

Hello lady in the mirror,

do you see me?

Why don’t you seem to care?

I long to be looked upon with loving eyes

treated like a princess –

You told me my Father was the King.

If that were true,

why do you hurt me?

Why do you scowl every time I appear?

Am I too broken –

unlovable –

not enough for you?

I walk away

a little more bent

a few pieces fall on the floor

It’s too much to pick them up

I just hear the crunch –

under my feet.

Oh, lady in the mirror

will you ever love me?

 

 

 

 

Outside The Window

I looked up writing prompts on google today and found a list of 365 of them (http://thinkwritten.com/365-creative-writing-prompts/). I am going to try them out.

Today’s prompt is: Outside the Window

I am sitting in the library and the shades are closed but I can still see the sunlight peaking through the little holes where the strings go through. I love how no matter how small the crack is the light will get in. It breaks through with such force, such heat, and such a want to brighten up whatever it touches. It reminds me of a day many years ago – I was a teenager – those were some interesting years for most of us I would venture to guess. I was about 14 years old and I was struggling with depression and anxiety for years already – but there was one place that felt safe me. It wasn’t really a place – more of a Presence – the Light, Love, and Wonderful Grace. It was a Presence that I had come to know as God. I studied the bible – went to classes where others shared their thoughts – but you know – just there – outside the window – the green grass, the rolling hills, the tall mountains, trees, flowers, rivers running, lakes filled, the sounds of birds – all of that and so much more in the feel of nature – that is where I felt His Presence most.

So twenty-four years ago I dedicated my life to living in His Presence. I have stumbled, I have fallen, I have let go and ran in the opposite direction. I have fought, I have surrendered, and I have let Him take my hand and guide me. I have lost my hope, lost my faith, and wanted to die – even today I struggle with holding on.However – all I have to do is look outside the window and there I feel it – the Presence of peace.

I want to be like the sunflower – always reaching for the light – turning my face to see – to feel – to be filled with the Light. I know my journey is not over. I know there will be hard days and there will be some easy days. I know that there will be moments I want to run in the opposite direction again – there will be moments I will rest in the Light – be held by Love. Those are the moments I want to the cherish – the ones where I can look outside the window – and no matter if the sun or moon is shining – no matter if there is green grass or brown dry weeds – no matter if the flowers are blooming or letting go until next Spring – no matter if the river runs fiercely or just a trickle passes me by – no matter if the rain or snow is falling and covering the ground – or if the winds have come and blown all the leaves off the trees – no matter what is going on outside the window- in those moments I want to hold on to the Presence of Unconditional Love, Hope, Grace, and Mercy.

What is outside your window today?

Mending the Self

Today I read an article about Self-Care on the mind body green website. The lady who wrote the blog gave five ways to care for yourself – number one made me want to close down the web page and just move on. I don’t do well with self-care.

Speak Kindly To Yourself – that is what number one is on this list. Excuse me! How do I do that!? I am going to let you in on a little secret of mine – I find it so much easier to point out my flaws – all those things I know are wrong with me. I can give you that list without even a thought. But kind words – kind thoughts – for myself – that almost makes me laugh. I don’t laugh because it is funny – but because it is sad and I don’t want to let the tears start flowing – they may never stop.

I can’t remember a time that I ever had a full length mirror in my bedroom growing up or in my home as an adult. Even when I was thin – I didn’t want to see me. Mirrors reveal too much – they force us to face ourselves – physically of course – but for me it is mental and spiritual as well. I can’t help but see the things that want to break out – the words that want to be spoken – the ugliness that wants to be let go – the goodness that wants to surface – the love – the scariest things of all – the love that is there within me for me – but I can’t feel worthy of it. So I have the small mirror in my bathroom to make sure my make-up is on right – when I wear it. I use it to make sure I don’t have toothpaste on my face or that my hair isn’t sticking straight up. Otherwise I avoid it.n

A few months ago I got brave – I bought a full length mirror. I was ready to see me – or so I thought. It is hidden behind my paper organizer. I don’t want to see me – I don’t want to see what I have become. It is a scary thing to admit to yourself that something is wrong – something deeper than just the skin on the surface.

Mending hurts. I didn’t think that the process would be this hard and painful – but it is. The pain takes your breath away – makes you feel like vomiting – makes you head ache to the point of keeping you immobile on the couch. I knew it wouldn’t be easy – is this hardness worth it? I don’t know.

Can I speak kindly to myself? If I bring the full length mirror out into the openness – out where I will see it – and it will see me – will I be able to speak kindness?